I asked you to “Let Me Down Slowly”

I have no apologies. Every experience presents learning and the opportunity for growth. However, I definitely do not believe love is a mistake.

I am me. Vulnerable. Open. Stubborn. Childish. Mature. Brave (highkey also a coward). I love deeply and hate from my core too and probably way too easily. It doesn’t have too much to do with reason (I don’t know why people ask for logic with these kind of things — logic is usually high out of it’s mind while the world burns up in chaos).

I wanted to write this a while back, but I think my words would have been too harsh and stemmed from a very different place.

I don’t fully know what I’m trying to say right now, but I know that I need to write it out.

I asked you to “Let Me Down Slowly”. I was telling you something, but you obviously took it as just a song, albeit a beautiful one.

I was building things up in my head. Constructing worlds around your words. Shaping skyscrapers with your emotions. Painting the sky with my own.

Everything seemed supernatural and highly spiritual.

Your fault

…and mine.

My skyscrapers came down in two devastating blows like the twin towers.

What was left in my wake was not even a semblance of what once was.

We had climbed Mt.Everest together, but then you jumped onto a helicopter as I braced the cold, tough road ahead wondering why I decided to do this when I hate hiking, camping, the cold — all of it.

Now, I’m still reeling from it, but I’m wrapped in one of those shiny blankets and finally somewhere kind of warm, but the experience is not something that will go away easily.

I am learning how to find a balance between blaming you for what you did…and didn’t do…for what you said…and didn’t…for even suggesting the climb.

And blaming myself for willingly agreeing to it…for enjoying the view…and the company…and the beauty around…and within.

This is how I choose to deal with this:

“Maybe Love stays.

Maybe Love can’t.

Maybe Love shouldn’t.

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to.

And Love leaves exactly when love must.

When Love arrives, say “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”

If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. Turn off the music. Listen to the quiet,

Whisper, “Thank you for stopping by.”

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Identity, personality and relationships: works-in-progress. Join me in the unearthing of myself through my writing. Karibuni!

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Aleesha Suleman

Aleesha Suleman

Identity, personality and relationships: works-in-progress. Join me in the unearthing of myself through my writing. Karibuni!

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