“I Was Wrong…”
Three words that are so hard for some to say.
Needless to say I’ve listened to it over and over again.
I’ve also thought about why else I have liked listening to it (apart from the musicality).
I think about how I find myself apologizing for every small thing. It’s a sort of conditioning that’s really hard to break.
Even when I’m justifiably mad about something, I find it very hard to stay that way. I end up feeling guilty about how I reacted and I’m usually the first one to apologize. I always think that the other person will feel safer to open up after I’ve apologized first. But this never happens — except for people who actually care.
After reflecting more, I really have been able to dig out the fact that I hate inauthentic apologies.
I want someone to genuinely be able to say sorry and recognise what they did. And actually make sure they never do it again.
I’ve had a hard time cutting people out because I feel the need to fight for the relationship to the bitter end.
As I learn more about myself and learn how to set boundaries. I’m afraid that those chances are narrowing.
This is mostly a reminder to myself about what I value and to make sure I put myself first and also recognise that if someone isn’t making any effort and isn’t willing to be vulnerable — they’re not worth my time and energy.