On “Putting Yourself Out There”.
Life, love and growth.
A few months ago, I had a tough conversation with a friend which had initially started out pretty light. Considering the fact that I’m writing about it even now, means that I’ve spent a lot of time chewing on it.
It was one of those conversations where you’re hanging out and just chatting about life, and the flow of conversation inevitably moves towards each other’s love lives. I think we can all testify to that break-through moment in a friendship — an equal sharing of woes and happiness (although the second is less common tbh) rather than unwelcome questions from a nosy somebody whom you’d rather not talk to.
So, she asked me if I had “found” anyone yet and I said that I honestly just hadn’t met anyone that I liked and somehow, if I ever met anyone that I saw some potential in, I would find that others had already gone forward and taken that leap, while I was left thinking about the best way to approach them and strike up a conversation.
To be honest, as cheesy and old-fashioned as it sounds, I really do have an idealistic view of how romantic love should be and I don’t see that happening in certain contexts. I’m all about meaningful conversations and really getting to know someone and to be fair, the type of people I’m in to are probably at home, chilling by themselves, or with like, one or two people at most. (I wish I was joking *sigh*).
My friend bluntly told me to pull it together and said that I just don’t have enough confidence in myself (that apparently makes a huge difference or something, who knows).
That might be true to some extent, I do find myself backing away from someone I might be interested in if I know someone else is even vaguely interested. Also, I’m mind-boggled by people who are constantly on the look-out for new love-interests when they’re already dating someone. Just stop that already. This whole thing is intimidating enough as it is.
However, I also find that I’m a little bit exhausted from “putting myself out there” (If you’ve read any of my older pieces, you’ll know that it lasted about 4 years for me last time and I currently ain’t about that life).
I sometimes go into a more-than-mild panic about whether I will ever find the “right-person” for me, but then I look at things from a different perspective and say to myself that I should be grateful to have the time and space to develop myself, and have the independence to forge my path in life.
Before I go, I would like to give some special advice to my future significant other (if you’re out there somewhere, you unicorn): Make your move my friend, because I’ve learned that I’m a terrible mind-reader (sorry to disappoint everyone who thought I had magical abilities — I really tried!). Meanwhile, I’ll be off somewhere discovering my higher purpose and I really hope you’re doing the same.