Perspectives

A colourful world of difference. Photo by Duangphorn Wiriya on Unsplash

Maya:

It’s Monday morning and I’m already exhausted.

Is it possible to be this exhausted as a child?

I don’t know how true this is scientifically, but

I sure know that it’s a reality for me.

I am exhausted from constantly having to see myself in the third person –

Wondering if I’m doing the right thing, in the right way.

Shit! I just looked one of THEM in the eye.

Oh hell no.

My heartbeat speeds up at an alarming rate.

My palms start to sweat.

I feel hot flushes all over me.

Man! This SUCKS.

I see her give a sneaky, knowing glance to her friends before they begin walking across the playground to me

“HEY YOU! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE LOOKING AT??!! YOU’RE SO DISGUSTING! YOU SHOULD GO HIDE IN A CLOSET SOMEWHERE! NO-ONE WILL MISS YOU”

Literally everyone is watching this debacle.

My face is burning up and I can feel it all the way to my scalp.

All I can do is stare at my dumb feet in my dumb shoes surrounded by the dumb-ass grass.

I wish there was a closet that I could hole myself into, to be completely honest

Or maybe a literal hole.

Dammit. I really hate…existing.

Leila:

I look at her across the playground. I don’t even understand the mixed feelings of hatred and fascination I feel towards her.

She feels me looking at her. Or at least I think she does.

Our eyes meet.

I am taken aback. She’s caught me staring.

I give nothing away.

I get a delightfully evil thought which instinctively makes my mouth curl up and my eyes narrow.

I look over at my friends. They know what’s up.

We walk over.

“HEY YOU! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE LOOKING AT??!! YOU’RE SO DISGUSTING! YOU SHOULD GO HIDE IN A CLOSET SOMEWHERE! NO-ONE WILL MISS YOU”

I both feel and see her crumpling with the smashing power of my words.

I feel everyone watching.

I feel powerful.

I bask in the glory of my latest conquest.

It’s only Monday and I’m already on top of the world.

I refuse to look back as I walk away. I’ve won.

At least that’s what I tell myself…

Deep down, she makes me so uncomfortable because of how very similar we are.

I could be that weirdo.

Maybe I was just lucky…

No way (I shake the thought out of my system). I’m just better.

Habiba:

I see that devilish look at Leila’s face. I follow her line of sight to poor Maya, standing around, minding her own business.

My heart sinks.

I know how this goes down.

I drag my feet behind Leila and the group as we get closer and closer to Maya’s impending destruction.

My heart aches.

I used to revel in this take-down, but now it only hurts my heart.

I hear the bomb as if from kilometres and kilometres away:

“HEY YOU! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE LOOKING AT??!! YOU’RE SO DISGUSTING! YOU SHOULD GO HIDE IN A CLOSET SOMEWHERE! NO-ONE WILL MISS YOU”

My brain is so sick of hearing this kind of BS.

Of course, I can see that it doesn’t feel like BS to Maya.

My heart and stomach twist and untwist in a revolting way.

The silence is excruciating.

We begin to walk away. I feel torn between the magnetism of Leila’s power and the safety of it, versus my feelings towards the girl standing there staring at her feet like she wishes the ground will swallow her up.

I pull myself away and keep walking.

My body instinctively turns around to look at her.

Her teary eyes meet my repentant ones.

She smiles a broken half-smile and my heart soars in return

Perhaps there’s hope to be salvaged.

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Identity, personality and relationships: works-in-progress. Join me in the unearthing of myself through my writing. Karibuni!

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Aleesha Suleman

Aleesha Suleman

Identity, personality and relationships: works-in-progress. Join me in the unearthing of myself through my writing. Karibuni!

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