The Only Thing I Miss About Being a Teenager

“Teenagers scare the living shit out of me”

I’ll be the first to admit that I was an A-grade brat as a teenager.

I was always a good kid in general, but for a couple of years during that oh-so-awkward pubescent phase, I really believe that I was the worst version of myself, especially towards my family.

I was always angry. Would snap at the slightest provocation (AKA when I thought someone was using the wrong tone with me. This can still tick me off pretty bad even today although not as violently).

My only refuge and catharsis was music. I lived and breathed rock music. It spoke to me at a spiritual level like nothing else did. At first I found heavier rock too harsh, but it grew on me. I came to love and admire the intricate melodies, incredible shifts from soft to heavy and back again, extremely intelligent lyrics, soul-baring guitar riffs and instrumentals, guttural freeing screams— all of it.

It let me express my pain, frustration and pent-up rage — generally what is referred to as teenage angst — a term used by condescending adults who dismiss your struggles and trauma as…drama. However, when it’s happening to you, it feels so overwhelmingly intense and all-consuming.

I definitely don’t miss all the awkwardness and crushing anxiety.

I do miss REALLY feeling things. I don’t fully know how to describe it. But I do feel like my emotions were much stronger during my teenage years.

Nowadays, despite not being that old, I feel like my emotions have definitely toned down. Although it could be a sign of maturity and of being able to be in more control. I miss the very opposite — being able to feel intensely and express yourself with abandon and at the same time, having the cover of simply being…a crazy teenager.

That ends this train of thought. More to follow. Soon I hope!

--

--

--

Identity, personality and relationships: works-in-progress. Join me in the unearthing of myself through my writing. Karibuni!

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Aleesha Suleman

Aleesha Suleman

Identity, personality and relationships: works-in-progress. Join me in the unearthing of myself through my writing. Karibuni!

More from Medium

Lies, Damn Lies and Photoshop: Superhuman Skin Edition

This was the beginning of your world

pregnant woman in blue dress holding belly

My month of Shudder

My first mistake as his mom