TRAPPED AND ANGRY.

Photo by Mario Azzi on Unsplash

I feel trapped and angry.

I want to punch someone in the face.

Just give me a reason to punch you.

Just do something and I’ll make you regret it.

DO SOMETHING ALREADY!

All I keep getting is emotional scars.

Those don’t show themselves as easily

as a black eye,

a cut lip

or a terrifyingly greenish-purplish bruise.

“Always be respectful to your elders”

Even if things got really bad and I felt

ANGRY. MAD. FRUSTRATED. PISSED OFF.

That’s no call to be disrespectful!

Oh dear no!

Even when people were being downright assholes.

I guess I’ll just shut up. What good will it do? I have absolutely no power here.

I am simply a pawn in this weird,

twisted game of two-faced nonsense

we play with each other;

plastering on smiles while plotting endlessly the others’ demise,

putting on a spectacular performance for the rest of the world.

Instead, I’ll blast some really angry music and

hope you get the fucking message.

Assholes.

This is a piece I wrote some time ago to express the grief, anger, bitterness I was feeling. A lot of it, residue from my childhood and teenage years. Even though I don’t feel this angry any more, I’m still hurt. I think this is the kind of thing you never fully get over, but it becomes a part of you and your psyche. I sometimes think that this is the kind of thing you don’t realize has fucked you up until much later in your life. I was really grateful to have music, especially rock music, to help me get through the tough times. I got the words and space to feel and express myself in ways I could never verbalize or face directly. I’ll be forever grateful for the music, my family (especially my brother) and the amazing friends I had and have today.

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Identity, personality and relationships: works-in-progress. Join me in the unearthing of myself through my writing. Karibuni!

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Aleesha Suleman

Aleesha Suleman

Identity, personality and relationships: works-in-progress. Join me in the unearthing of myself through my writing. Karibuni!

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